Ponderings

Not too long after the accident, I received a journal called “Comfort in the Mourning” from a friend.  At the top of each page was a quote.  I would look through the book until I found a quote that helped describe the thoughts of my heart, then I would write.  I couldn’t face just a blank page, but I could write in response to a quote.  This journal really helped me get started expressing myself.  I thought I would share some of them with you…….

This is one of my first journal entries, after the accident on November 23, 2004.

12-21-2004
“Lost dreams, shattered hopes, an altered future – nothing is as I had planned.” Everything is gone.  My husband, my daughter, my son, my home, my job, even my calling as a pastor’s wife.  All future plans are no longer valuable:  college funds, retirement, dreams of a home on the lake, traveling the rest of the U. S., our own home again.  Nothing matters anymore.  There’s no one to hand down things to, no one to plan for, no one to create an inheritance or a legacy for.  No one to even pass on our name.  No grandchildren, no one to care for me when I’m old.  All that’s left is the dog – and I gave him away.

Wherever you are in your journey of pain, finding a way to express your feelings is essential.  I had never been much of a writer, and that’s why I needed the prompts at the top of the page of this journal.  You may be able to write without them, or you may not be able to write it down at all.  But you must express it – write it, draw it, sing it, tell it to a trusted friend – but express it – even if your think your feelings are wrong.  It’s the beginning of the way to hope.

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